May 18, 2024
American Jokes

American Jokes


U don’t open a telephone conversation with a “HELLO“, but with a “Hi”

The telephone is never “engaged“, it-s always “busy“.

U don’t “disconnect” a phone, U simply “hang-up“.

U never “mess-up” things, U only “screw them up“.

U never have a “residence” tel. no., U have a “home” no.

U don’t stop at the “signals“, but halt at the “lights“.

U don’t “accelerate“, U “step on the gas“.

Your tire never “punctures“, U may have a “flat“.

There R no “petrol pumps“, but “gas stations“.

U no longer meet a “wonderful” person, U meet a “cool guy”

There’s no “Business Area” only “business districts“, and no “districts” but “counties“.

No one stays “a stone’s throw away“, might “a few blocks away“.

There-s no “Town Side“, it’s “Down Town“.

In hotel U no longer pay by “cheque“, rather ask for “check“.

There R no “soft drinks“, only “sodas“.

Life-s no longer “miserable” it “stinks“.

U don’t “sweat it out“, U “work ur butt off“.

Never “post” a letter, always “mail” it and “glue” the stamps, don’t “stick” them.

U no longer live in “flats” or “blocks“, find an “apartment“.

U don’t stand in a “queue“, you are in a “line“.

U no longer “like” something, U “appreciate” it.

U R not “deaf“, U have “impaired hearing“.

U R not “lunatic“, U are just “mentally challenged“.

U R not “disgusting” U R “sick“.

U can-t get “surprised” U get “zapped“.

U never “joke“, U just do “kidding“.

U never “increase” the pressure, U always “crank” it up.

U never ask for a pencil “rubber“, U ask for an eraser.

U don’t try to find a “lift“, U find “an elevator”.

U don’t ask somebody “How r u ?“, U say “What’s up dude?”

U never go to “see a game”, U go to “watch a game“.

If someone gets “angry” at U, U get “flamed“.

You don’t say “How do you do“, you say “How you doing”

In short U don’t speak “English”, U speak “American”.

Well u don’t say “life is boring”, U say “LIFE SUCKS” !!!!!



Proper Pronunciation

An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist.

A bit hairy… remarked the American.

Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly,

well yes! What did you expect – feathers!



Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Al Gore were on a sinking ship.

Gore yelled, We must save the women!

Screw the women! Bush replied.

Clinton asked, excited,

Do we have enough time for that?